Gone To Look For...

Staring at this page for a pretty minute, just pondering. 

For those of you who are personal friends who know who I am and what I stand for, well, you are here to support me, my thoughts, my quests, my heart, my fight…wait…’fight’? 

Where and how does that word take up any real estate in my vernacular…(funny, I spelled vernacular wrong-proof, I’m trying way too hard…hiding behind big words.) 

But- 

‘Fight’? I won’t skirt that one. 

I must really address it…the conflict. The absolute turmoil of non-resolution. 

How is it that I believe that LOVE CONCURS ALL and still find myself with my dukes up.  I mean waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy up.  I am ready to fight at the drop of a hat…but fighting to make love happen???? What??Why??How??? It feels to me like ‘love’ seems to be running out of muscle.  It’s kind of like when we tell our kids that Santa’s power is fueled by the believing…the world’s ‘love-meter’ is flickering at an all-time low. And I’m flailing. My arrogance has hung its hat. 

But for a minute. 

I’ve kept up on my history and history has proven to me, that TRUTH always wins, LOVE IS  the answer and that it is historically accurate that ‘to fight’ for justice - ahem - (pardon me because I see that lone troller) TRUE justice is our duty as humans…I mean, humans who believe in humanity.  All. of humanity. 

I just don’t see it happening on Facebook :) 

‘THEY’ GOT US, YOU GUYS!! Well, I can only admit my own…but begging for all of you who are like me and are just so STUCK finding a way to NOT succumb to the separation and vile, vile hatred..even among ‘friends’. 

The ‘rewind’ we need goes back to the beginning of time.  But my two cents is this- 

How ‘bout- 

Let’s go back to when ‘we’ - not me- not you - but ‘someones’ ancestors came to THIS country. Why don’t we try super, super hard to even admit…that this land was stolen. Stolen from (don’t worry, I won’t bring up the ‘paid slaughter’ of Indians…oops) EVENTUALLY our ‘forefathers’ seemingly designed a ‘do-over’ (27 times) to make ‘all men equal’ yada, yada …still.waiting…but not before the entire country was built on the back of slaves. 

So let’s stop there.  Let’s rewind ‘there’.  Let’s all try super, super hard to face those facts. They.are.facts. We cannot erase them. And because we cannot erase these facts…we.cannot.move.forward. We.cannot.move.forward. The mirror- oh - it is so very unattractive. So…we look away.  We ALL look away. ALL of us. WE are not perfect. But the actual truth that we won’t face, is in that mirror. The healing. The ed.u.ca.tion. The rebuilding of what our yesterdays have left us with will only come if we acknowledge…I mean start with even the baby steps of a juvenile high-school cheer of “WE ARE ALL FLAWED”.  Sorry- that’s a fact too. :) 

Shake that off, go to your neighbor’s house that you avoid when you’re taking the garbage cans to the curb, or when you’re stuck in the elevator -AWKWARD- say ‘hi’ with a smile…and find a way…to MEAN IT, DAMMIT!!! It feels so good. My poor family can attest that I have pretty much made our family a social testing ground while in public. 

Because I’m fighting. 

For love. 

And I feel ugly. 

Because I’ve got the mirror out. 

And it’s telling me I can do better…and make an impact elsewhere…and as much as I really, really love all of you…I think it will happen more effectively for me, off of Facebook. We all know that mirror is cracked, anyway.

Feel free to visit me here…I get emails here, too…save the defensive asshole tantrums, trolls…and then you go kindly get your mirror out.  That’s right, assholes…I’m here for love. 

I’m kidding. Sort of. 

I love you. 

Heather

36 comments

Add comment